Pie Beg Your Pardon

Manners Maketh the Man

We all know that emotions run high on Fridays. It’s the end of a long week, sometimes it takes a while to get a hold of a pie, everyone ends up being a bit frazzled. Beers might be drunk, steam might be let off.

But, my fellow platipie, that is no excuse for letting your manners slip. The Order of Pie is founded on the twin principles of pastry and courteousness – without the latter, we might as well be animals devouring a sophisticated meal. Animals.

For those of you who have forgotten, please reread the code of conduct every Friday Piyer tacitly agrees to by eating pie:

  1. No shoving. Remember: there is plenty of pie to go around.
  2. No glassing anyone. This is a crucial one. No matter how many drinks you have, or how insulted you feel by your neighbour’s impression of the Queen, you must not glass them.
  3. If you are sharing chips, you must offer them around before taking the last serving.
  4. The piyer who receives pie last shall be commiserated with appropriately.
  5. If you have to go and collect cutlery, you will collect enough cutlery for the whole party.
  6. You must check everyone has decided before ordering.
  7. If you arrive later than the specified meeting time, you must make a slightly self-deprecating joke.
  8. You must comment on the weather at least once during the event.
  9. Friday Pieday is a time to reflect on the past week and to think about the challenges to come. You must listen to everyone’s stories and not loudly yawn, even if you’re bored by Carol’s office stories.
  10. No glassing anyone! I can’t say this strongly enough – you really shouldn’t glass anyone.

If everyone follows these simple guidelines, Pieday will be a nurturing and convivial experience.

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